I’m just going to stop you right there, I know what you’re thinking: what in hell’s name is guyliner and why does it sound so gay?

I know, I absolutely agree that it sounds gay, but gayliner is a different thing altogether, apparently. Guyliner is that stick of black eyeliner most women use to enhance their eyes that men have also started using to enhance theirs–hence the name so people won’t be confused whether they’re using eyeliner or guyliner. *rolls eyes*

A lot of men have begun to use this to show that they care how they look and that they could look masculine despite it. Personally, I would find it weird if I’m ever out with a guy who wears more makeup than I do. There’s just something so wrong about that.

Although in general, men who wear guyliner are laughable, there are a select few who kind of pull it off. Somehow. In a weird way.

First off, Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean. Okay, this doesn’t sound right because he’s a pirate and pirates wear eyeliner all the time, right? Plus Johnny Depp could pull off anything anyway. I never thought seeing him wearing eyeliner could make him look even sexier, but it did. Crazy, drunken Captain Jack Sparrow.

Second there are the musical legends David Bowie and Alice Cooper. Another unfair decision, because rock stars do crazy things all the time. The only difference was Alice Cooper and David Bowie wore eyeliner even before the young emo poseur musicians today were born—probably even before they were conceived. They were rock stars. They had to wear eyeliner.

Next on the list is Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy. A rock star wannabe, I know. I like the music of Fall Out Boy but their outfits are so darn cliché, it almost kind of looks like a uniform among rock star wannabes. You know, tight black shirt, tight black pants, hair swept on the side with a slab of hair product to keep it on the side, chains hanging down from those tight black pants, and guyliner. They must think, dude you’re not a rock star if you’re not wearing guyliner! Man you’re not wearing guyliner? How lame are you???

Another one who’s famous for strutting his butt wearing guyliner is Brandon Flowers, vocalist of The Killers. It makes me smile (or smirk) knowing his name is “flowers” and he wears makeup. It’s like it’s written in the stars.

Apparently, the guyliner is a symbol of men’s confidence about their masculinity. And here I thought eyeliners are just for aesthetic purposes. But over the years that men chose to wear guyliner, it has become a staple to rock-emo fashion. Other guys start to wear it because it makes them look like a rock star. Yeah right.

Lesson of the day: you are only allowed to wear guyliner if you’re a) Johnny Depp b) you’re a real pirate c) you’re a “rock star” and your band is known in at least 25 states d) you’re gay.

If you’re not, then what does the guyliner stand for, man?